Family Update & Videos

Here are some fun things to tell you about:
I got up to go to the bathroom the other day and when I returned, this is what I found. Isn’t she the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?

Kesleigh loves Kleenex from Steve Corn on Vimeo.


Kasen has been watchin’ the Olympics this past week and when he heard his cousins were skiing this weekend, he decided to go skiing too. Here’s what resulted:

Kasen Skiing from Steve Corn on Vimeo.


The other BIG News is that Kasen pooped in the potty today for the very first time. We rewarded him with a “Big Sucker” and he chose the Mickey Mouse Sucker. Here’s a pic of his poo poo (long pause) . . . . reward:


For those of you who are still reading and who want to know some of the deeper things going on with us, I thought I’d update you on a few things too:

1.) I have officially become unemployed. Sundays are strange. We have visited a few churches and will continue to do so until we find the place that’s right for us. Neither Miranda nor I has ever chosen a church to be involved in. We’ve always been chosen by the church and welcomed with more than open arms. Now, we’re not staff people. Now, we experience what everybody else in the world experiences when they walk into a church. There’s something kinda fun about it though too. It’s nice to be in a worship service without feeling like you had to be “on” or be weary of the neverending saga of politics which surround church staff people each week.

2.) I am currently in the midst of an alternative certification program for teachers. This week I passed the 4-8th Generalist content exam which makes me eligible to get a teaching job. I’m able to teach anything 4-8th grade. The exam was much more difficult than I had imagined, but I ended up scoring well. 282 out of 300 and the passing grade was only 240. I’m excited about the possibility of teaching. My favorite parts of youth ministry have always been the times with students and this way I’ll be able to be with them every day of the week. I’m also excited about having a schedule similar to my kids as they grow older and having Sundays off so that we can be involved wherever we’d like. We’re prayin’ that I can get a teaching job before the end of this school year – preferably close to home too.


Expectations Matter – A Pretty Face

A pretty face makes more of a difference than you might think. See what you think of this:

51 women signed up for a study on communication. They would speak to an unknown man on the phone and chit chat about the weather, hobbies, etc. The women knew nothing of it, but the men who would make the calls were given a biographical profile and a picture of the women they would be calling. Well. . . that’s what they thought. The profiles were accurate, but the photos were fake. They were specially selected photos: some were of extremely beautiful women while the other half were photos of more ordinary women. After seeing the bios and photos, but before making the phone call, the men were asked to fill out an impression questionnaire.

Not surprisingly, the men who had photos of beautiful women believed they would speak to women who were sociable, poised, humorous, and socially adept. The men who had photos of more ordinary women expected to speak to unsociable, awkward, serious, and socially inept. They had made their “diagnosis” and set their expectations before even speaking to the women.

During their conversations, the men had a hard time seeing the women in any other way. They naturally noticed the characteristics which supported their original assessments and ignored (or didn’t notice) the characteristics which deviated from their perceptions. Their bias’ were brought into the conversations.

Here’s where it gets interesting. The researchers recorded the phone conversations and took the men’s side of the conversation out. A third group of people who knew nothing of the study or it’s participants, were then asked to listen to the recordings of the women. Listening only to the women, this group was asked to fill out the same impression questionnaire that the men filled out earlier. They rated the women the same way the men did. They based their impressions off the voice of a one-sided conversation while the men had based their impressions off of a fake photo.

The expectations of the men not only influenced their perceptions of the women, but also influenced the subtle nuances of the conversations. The men were unconsciously sending out “beautiful” cues. The women subconsciously picked up on the “beautiful” opinions that the men had of them and they reacted similarly. Being thought of as beautiful, made the women believe they were beautiful and they acted as such. The third party group could hear the beauty in their voices because these women believed they were beautiful. Although some were actually very average in appearance, they were still seen as beautiful based upon the confidence and beauty in their voices.

Expectations matter. They change our own perceptions. They change others. They change the world.

Expectations matter.

PS – This experiment is described in the book Sway by Ori and Rom Brafman.

Expectations Matter – Soldiers Command Potential

105 soldiers were participating in a 15 week commander training program in Israel. A psychologist informed the training officers who would be leading the program that they had assembled comprehensive information about each of the soldiers. Each soldier had been classified into one of 3 potential “Command Potential” categories: 1.) High Potential, 2.) Regular Potential, or 3.) Unknown – due to insufficient information. The soldiers were placed into these categories through a series of psychological tests, sociometric data from the previous course, and previous officer ratings. The training officers were requested to learn the names of each soldier who would be in his command and his “CP” rating before the program started. When the program began, the soldiers were divided into groups with even numbers of high, regular, and unknown CP soldiers.

After the 15 week program ended, the officers confirmed that those soldiers who were placed in the highest “CP” category were in fact the ones who had performed the best.

Here’s the catch. The “CP” (command potential) ratings were not actually assigned based upon any data at all. They were actually selected at random.

Those soldiers who were seen as having high potential ultimately lived up to the expectations of their commanding officers. When the officers were told about the random selections, they argued with the psychologists and defended their position – they truly believed that there must have been actual data used to reach those conclusions.

Expectations matter.

I wonder how many of the “regular CP” or “unknown CP” soldiers actually had a lot of potential too? I wonder what effect lower expectations have upon someone?

PS – This example was also from the book “Sway” by Ori and Rom Brafman. If you like this kind of stuff, you should check it out.

Expectations Matter – Two Words

Expectations Matter. Part 1 – Two words matter. (This will be a short series of posts.)

Check out this psychological test!

A professor doesn’t show up to teach one day @ MIT. The students are told there will be a substitute and they are each given a short bio describing their sub. It reads:

“Mr. ___________ is a graduate student in the department of economics and social science here at MIT. He has had 3 semesters of teaching experience in psychology at another college. This is his 1st semester teaching this class. He is 26 yrs old, a veteran, and married. People who know him consider him to be a very warm person, industrious, critical, practical, and determined.”

Now, here’s the catch. Although they believed that everyone was reading the same bio, only half of the class got this bio. The other half got the same bio with two different words. The words “very warm” were replaced with “rather cold.” The last line of the 2nd one read, “People who know him consider him to be a rather cold person, industrious, critical, practical, and determined.”

After sitting in and viewing the exact same teacher under the exact same circumstances, the students were given a short questionnaire about the sub. By their responses, you’d think they had experienced two completely different classes with two different teachers. The students who got the “warm” bio, loved him. Their descriptions were: good-natured, considerate of others, informal, sociable, popular, humorous, and humane. The 2nd group with the “cold” bio described him as: self-centered, formal, unsociable, irritable, humorless, and ruthless.

Two words have the power to change our perceptions and possibly destroy a relationship before it even begins.


Expectations matter.

The example above is from the book “Sway” by Ori and Rom Brafman. I will be using a few more of their examples throughout this short series of posts. You should check out their book. It’s great stuff!

They call this effect the “diagnosis sway.” Once someone has “diagnosed” another person, it’s very difficult for them to let go of their perception and they will view every interaction with them through this lens. This is what happened to the students. The bios gave them a pre-determined diagnosis and so they viewed everything about the substitute through this lens – picking up subtle nuances and perceptions which would support their diagnosis. This is why first impressions are so important. Once someone has diagnosed you, they will see only those characteristics which will support their first impression diagnosis.

I wanted to write this series of posts because we’ve been talking about expectations in my teacher’s alternative certification classes. Teachers can be “swayed” or have the wrong expectations of a student for many reasons. At the beginning of the year a teacher may be tempted to talk to the students previous teachers to find out what he/she is like, but I’d say they should refrain. A student should have the opportunity to “start over” each year. The new teacher should be willing to “draw their own conclusions” without the influence of others.

“Stand and Deliver” is one of the great movies about teaching. This is the teacher hero’s secret. He has higher expectations of his students. He has not diagnosed them as average or incapable, but instead he sees the possibilities within them and encourages them. Expectations matter.

20 Years of Youth Ministry

I have been a youth minister for 20+ years. Due to a financial struggle in the church, this past week was my first week away from it. I have many memories (both good and bad) – many friendships – many lessons-learned during this time. Here are a few of the most important things I learned:

1. Those rough students who really need Jesus, really need you to defend them, stand up for them, love them. You might even have to protect them from the church people.

2. Quality moments happen randomly in the most unexpected moments during quantity time.

3. Seeds planted where you never see fruit may become fruitful after a student leaves the youth ministry.

4. It’s the church people who will hurt you the most.

5. You’re having an impact on kids that you didn’t even know were paying attention – even those who don’t show up to your events.

6. Some of the strongest students in a youth ministry will also have parents who are modeling a life of loving Jesus. These students are the ones who always say, “No, don’t let my parent volunteer.” But the ministry can’t happen without those parents and the students are inwardly glad their parents are there.

Some of the strongest students in a youth ministry will have parents who are not even Christians. These students have “done it all” and know they need Jesus desperately. They will be the ones who will be your greatest evangelists.

Most of the students who are nominal Christians, have parents who are nominal Christians.

7. Confirmation should not be the end of a student’s time in ministry. Parents who come to you for help when their 16-yr-old son is in trouble with the law have unrealistic expectations if you haven’t seen him since confirmation. Do your best to help anyway, ’cause God can do miracles, but. . .man, it’s a tough spot to be in. It’s always best if a student has a healthy relationship with the youth minister.

8. Dads who play golf (or fish or whatever) to “be with God” are still the spiritual leaders in their homes. They still lead their children. They just lead them to the golf course instead of into a community of faith.

9. Mission trips do more for the missionaries than for those being reached.

10. “If you sleep with someone you’ll wake up friends.” (Thanks Kelly) Retreats and over night outings are important for true community to develop.

11. The size of the youth ministry budget is a better indicator than the church’s words about their commitment to youth. What a church is willing to sacrifice is directly related to their true concern for youth.

12. The future of a youth ministry is directly related to the health of the youth minister’s relationship with the Sr. Pastor (or his supervisor).

13. There will be some people who you will never make happy. Heck, they’re not even happy with Jesus yet.

14. Students will learn how to push your buttons. If you’re able, you should let them push and then show them grace. They’ll be walking down the aisle and never know what hit ’em.

15. Jesus is always relevant.

16. Students who hang out with you will be your greatest supporters. If they keep hanging out when they graduate and go to college, you should consider them “family.”

17. Don’t let ministry get in the way of family or a healthy marriage. Your commitment to them may be the greatest thing you’ll ever teach a student.

18. There are some families who are actually living out God’s call for parents to lead their children. These students may not “need” the youth ministry, but they can be great assets.

19. The greatest youth ministry is the one that can run itself when the youth minister is gone.

20. If you love Jesus and you love students, you’re qualified for youth ministry.


Some other stuff I’ve learned: (Some fun. Some really sad.)

1. Even if your budget is small, don’t try to make your own “bungee-run.” It’s been at least 10 years, and one of my students may still have whelps on his. . . oh nevermind.

2. Even if drawing maps of Israel is not your forte, you should do it anyway. It might end up as an inside joke which unites the group.

3. Even people who don’t like being with students can be involved in praying for the ministry.

4. True community can be mistaken for cliques. Sometimes people want to feel like they’re on the outside.

5. Christian magicians might smoke weed behind closed doors.

6. Pastors might be having affairs behind closed. . .well, out in the open.

7. A good youth minister is not usually “real surprised” by how a student ends up as an adult. Habits are formed early and usually continue into adulthood.

8. Even your finest student athletes can be putty in your hands on a ski slope.

9. Spittoons in the sanctuary make people nervous.

10. Potty breaks on the road are important for maintaining dry car seats.

11. Too much hiking can cause feet to look like pudding under a thin layer of skin.

12. When mama (or the business manager) is happy, everyone is happy. Keep your receipts or she might not be.

13. Laughter is better than chemotherapy. (idea from Anne LaMott)

14. Dog bowls aren’t intended for serving eggs to students.

15. Youth Ministry Rules work for all of life too:

1. Represent Jesus.(1 Peter 2:21)

2. Stay in groups of 3 (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

3. Have Fun.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
– Mark Twain

2010 Resolution

I made a resolution to read through the Bible this year and I chose the Chronological reading plan which is offered on the youversion.com website (it’s FREE – they also have a mobile version). If you’re interested in joining me, here’s a list of all the plans you could choose from. Today, I finished Day 42 which included Exodus 36-38 – the construction of the different items for the tabernacle. Over the past month, I have read Genesis, Job, and a portion of Exodus. I haven’t read each day, but haven’t missed too many days. I have also read more to make up for the days I missed so I’m still on track. So far, I’ve really enjoyed it. It’s usually about 3 chapters a day which is more than I’m used to reading at one time. This forces me to cover more ground and look for the bigger pictures in the Scriptures. It also keeps me from getting bogged down by asking too many questions about details and then missing the main points. I’m excited about the Chronological plan ’cause once I get into some of the other books, I think it’ll be fun to see how all the stories line up with each other. I’d encourage you to sign up with youversion.com and join me.

I plan on posting an update about once a month (maybe each time I complete another 10%) so that I will feel some positive peer pressure about keeping up with this plan.

RePost: Servant Leadership

In my teacher’s alternative certification classes, we’ve been discussing what they call the “1st Year Roller Coaster” and it reminded me of some of the things I learned in my “Christian Leadership” studies at CBS. I thought it was worth RePosting. Also called “Situational Leadership,” this model is intended to help managers/leaders guide new employees/volunteers through the “Roller Coaster” by offering different styles of leadership to them throughout the process. It also helps in understanding the “Roller Coaster” and why everyone feels similar things when starting something new. Anyway, below is the description I originally wrote.


This leadership model is grounded in the idea that different people need to be led in different ways. Let me explain the basics.



Commitment and Competence – Development Stages
Development stage 1 (D1) – People are usually highly committed to a new project, but have low competence since they’ve never done it before.

Development stage 2 (D2) – When the honeymoon is over commitment levels typically drop and competence remains pretty much the same. (This is where people most often quit.)

D3 – If they persevere both commitment and competence rise again.

D4 – The longer someone does something the better they get. Both commitment and competence continue to rise.

Situational_3_3

Directive and Supportive Behaviors
All leadership breaks down to these two kinds of behaviors.

Directive = *goal setting, action planning, clarifying roles, *showing and telling, time lines, evaluations, priorities, etc.

Supportive = *listening, praise/encouragement, info sharing about organization or self, *problem solving, asking for input, rationale (explaining the whys), etc.

* = most critical behaviors.

Putting it all Together

Situational_2
A “D1” (high commitment and low competence) needs an “S1” Leadership Style – S1 = Low Support/High Direction (leader decides) This is sometimes referred to as a “Directing” style of leadership. Motto is “Leader decides.”

A “D2” (low commitment and low competence) needs high direction and high support since they are in the “quitting” stage. This is “S2” style is a “Coaching” style. The motto is “Let’s talk, leader decides.”

A “D3” whose commitment and competence have increased needs a “Supportive” style of leadership with high support and low direction. Motto – “Let’s talk, you decide.”

And finally a “D4” (high commitment and competence) needs a “delegating” style. The “S4” is a low direction/low support style which empowers others to “run with it.” Motto is “You decide.”


OK -in my opinion, most of these behaviors come pretty naturally if you truly care about those you are leading. If you’ve developed a relationship with them, then you can sense a lot of this stuff. It’s certainly a good model to understand and having this knowledge will give you a way to evaluate your efforts, but it really all comes down to relationship.

This understanding of leadership could also be beneficial to parenting. Kids need to have a different type of relationship with their parents as they develop. In the first few years (1-5years) a lot of directing is needed. Between the ages of 6-12, they probably need more of a coaching-style of relationship with their parents. The parents still make the decisions, but begin having discussions to help their children understand why they are making those choices. As teenagers (if parents have done well with the other steps), parents could begin to play a more supportive role where they allow kids to make some decisions based upon the talks they have together. It’s important to recognize that this stage has “low” direction not “no” direction. In certain cases, the leader/parent must still make the decisions. By the time they leave home, (like it or not) kids will be responsible (or not) for their own actions. If a parent has been successful in leading his children as God would call him to, he would probably be comfortable delegation or even with sending his child out on his own.

Prayer: Lord, help me to be the leader and parent that You’ve called me to be. Allow me a special ability to discern where people are so that I can lead them in the way that will most benefit them. Help me to be more intentional about training others so they can lead. Grant me favor in the eyes of those I lead so that I can grow deeper relationships with them in order to bring them to new places and to understand what challenges they need or what support they need. Give me a vision which is worthy of commitment – one which honors You at every turn. Glorify your name through my life and my influence upon others. AMEN.

Christian Gymnastics – The Balance Beam

Risk is essential if we are going to call ourselves Christians. In Psalm 127:4-5, God describes our children as “arrows” in our quiver. That means we’ve gotta be willing to send our children (and ourselves since we are God’s children – the arrows in His quiver.) out of the safety/comfort zones and into enemy territory to take ground for the Kingdom of God. Sometimes the greater risk is to risk nothing at all. Only in risk do we discover how great our own need for Jesus is and realize His power and love for us.

Here’s a great video I saw on Donald Miller’s blog from Francis Chan talking about risk.