True Fear

KasenMiranda asked a simple question. “Where is Kasen?” I didn’t know. We had been home for a few hours from our vacation and were relaxing on the floor of the living room. Kasen had been right there with us just minutes before. We yelled for him. . . No answer or any noises from other parts of the house. We got up and started looking. There are only a couple of places he could be – the living room, the kitchen, his room, our room. (He can’t open doors yet and we keep the rest of them closed.) In a matter of seconds we had searched the whole house – panic was quick to follow. Miranda and I both were yelling his name. I checked behind the closed doors. And then the closets. Fear escalated. I remembered a story of a friend who had climbed in a trunk (Caylin Brashear) and I checked our trunk – then Kasen’s toybox. Miranda was screaming with a voice I had never heard. Shrieks. Her breathing had an unnerving “ohhh. . .” sound. She met me in the hall and screamed, “the pool.” Kasen loves the “poo” – maybe he could be there?.?. but logically, he couldn’t get the back door open. Could someone have come in the house and taken him? Could he have somehow gotten a door open? My mind raced. I was desperate. . .I ran outside slamming my face into the patio door. No. . .he wasn’t in the pool. . . Heart racing, I ran back inside.

Miranda was holding him and yelling to me that she found him. Evidently, he had been laying in his bed the whole time with his covers over his head. We had each been in his room multiple time during those moments. He likes to take Kesleigh’s binky and then run and hide getting his little oral fix ’cause he knows he’s not allowed to have one. Evidently, that’s what he had done and probably fallen asleep. Or maybe he didn’t answer our calls ’cause he was hiding.

Either way, it couldn’t have been more than 3 minutes total. But it was enough. Enough to realize how quickly things can go downhill. Enough to realize how great our love for our children is and how quickly it can turn into fear. This kind of experience changes a man.

As I look back on it I wonder, “Where was my faith during these moments? What happened to trusting in the Lord? Why did I panic so quickly?” I am a weak man. Sinful. Even at my best, I am still very frail. I need God.

Prayer: Lord, take care of my children. You have given them to me for a few years and I truly want to be a good steward. I want to be a great father and a good example. I want to protect them. I want to represent You to them. All of these things are noble thoughts, but the bottom line is that I can’t do any of these things near as well as You. Lord, cover them with Yourself. Protect them when I fail them. Hold them close and keep them safe. Lord, in the same moment that I pray for their protection, I also pray that You will ultimately use them in mighty ways. May they be arrows (Psalm 127) that break into enemy territory taking ground for Your kingdom. May they understand You and the strength they have in You so well that they are willing to follow You into situations that may even seem dangerous to others. May they be in Your hands at all times, with or without me, in every situation – that’s the safest place to be. AMEN.

10 thoughts on “True Fear

  1. April Bratton Sangster

    One of my fears has recently come true and I have learned not to think “It could never happen to me” anymore. But I know with everything I have already survived that God will never lead me where He will not protect me. Take one day at a time and enjoy every moment because as I know you know, tomorrow is not promised.

  2. Robin Pearcy Johnson

    I know I heard the story on Sunday, but reading it again brought tears to my eyes. I’m glad all is well with your family!

  3. Gale Jordan

    Brett hid in a clothes rack when we were shopping once. I nearly died. My mother happened to be with us and after causing a ruckus in the store she spotted his feet. I Know that awful feeling of desperation and FEAR. I still feel a bit that way every time they drive out of the garage and out of my sight (limited as it is, Ha). So this prayer is an answer to my prayers and a comfort, I think you ought to get it out to all parents. It is terrific and true!
    Thanks, Steve!

  4. Kelly Marler Davidson

    Hanna was about Kasen’s age when I found her stradling the chain link fence. She had climbed it and thrown her leg over the top and was trying to figure out how to get her other leg over. The kids and I were all in the back yard and I had left the back door open and had walked in the house to check dinner on the stove. I knew then that she was a… Read More very different child than the other two. She challenged me in ways that I never expected. I remember that terrifying feeling a couple of very specific times through my kids growing up years. You never forget that feeling of panic that comes on so swiftly. God bless you for knowing that God the ultimate protector.

  5. Laurie Godbold

    Know that feeling too Steve. That fear and desperation. I actually did that to my Dad once when I was little (I was asleep in my bed). Funny.

  6. Tammy Campbell

    Aww, the sweet little one needs a dog. Where Kasen goes the dog will go and if you get a retreiver (Lab) he will never drown or if you get a Collie he will steer him from trouble. Remember how Lassie always “told” on little Timmy? He barked like a mad dog when there was danger.

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