Trembling Hands

IMG_3189The trembling hands awkwardly grasped the air. . . faithfully reaching into the unknown. I stood there again, behind the cold glass, looking in on my precious new baby. Kesleigh Anne was born last night around 11:03pm. It was now about 2:30am. The hospital halls were silent and I just watched. I watched my baby girl tremble. Her tiny hands grasping the air. . . groping for something. . . something she didn’t know or understand. It was a new world to her. Just hours earlier she had been protected within her mother. . .floating effortlessly in a forever nourished state. Now she was breathing with lungs which had never tasted air before. Her skin was drying and she was missing the touch of her mother as she lay in this cold plastic box. Unable to see yet, she reached out. . . . longing for a touch. . . . longing for something to comfort her.

I watched behind the glass. I felt so proud. Proud to be her father. Proud of her mother. And yet. . . there was something else underneath. . . something which took the edge off the pleasure of the moment. I was scared. Scared of responsibility. Fearful of what it would be like to have a 2nd child in the house. I imagined brushing her hair as a little girl and tucking her into bed at night. I imagined the day when I would one day walk her down the aisle and give her away.  I wondered if I could do it. I wondered if God would give me the strength to be the father that she would need?

As she grasped the air, so did I. Trembling, I awkwardly stretched out my arms and decided to reach into the unknown. . . . longing for a touch. . . . longing for something to comfort me.

And God found me there once again.

12 thoughts on “Trembling Hands

  1. mary forbis

    You always know what to say, you have always had a way with words. So amazing little children are, then you wake up one day and their 10 and 3. Enjoy them both every moment! Love ya Steve. Hope things are well, as they should be.

  2. Kathy Corn

    Steve,
    You said Miranda cried when she read that well I almost did to. You are a great writer. Tyler wanted me to tell you that you should sell your work and make lots of money.

  3. Kathy Corn

    I wanted to give you 5 stars, but you know I am technologically challenged. I could not figure out how to make the stars light up.

  4. Sharon Krolczyk

    Such beautiful words. Reminds me of your “Tap on the Glass” thoughts after Kasen was born. You and Miranda have been wonderful parents to Kasen, and I know you will be the same for sweet Kesleigh Anne. I love your sweet family.

  5. Patti Brooks

    Steve, you were able to say what so many of us feel and can’t put into words. Thanks for sharing your emotions, faith and your miracle. Absorb every minute of the time you have with your children for it will seem like tomorrow… they will be grown. Never fear though…there’sgrandparenthood!

  6. Joni McGary Frazier

    You are a truly amazing person, Steve. Over the years you and your family have touch many of our lives. Thank you for sharing.

  7. Robin Pearcy Johnson

    WOW!!!I cried over the one you wrote about Kasen and now Kesleigh too! You truly have a gift. AMAZING!

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